What E-Mail Address Goes With My Name?
-- Middle or Married?
Much as we love them and fuss over them, most middle names don't matter a great deal when it comes to name style. Most of us go by just our first names, reserving the full three-part name for ceremonial occasions. Only a small fraction of Americans regularly make a middle name part of their image, like the down-home style of a Billy Ray Cyrus or the imposing presence of a William Randolph Hearst.
But middle names shine in the functional arena. For instance, they can help a teacher make sure that Emily Grace Jones doesn't get the report card intended for Emily Alden Jones -- and help him remember that Emily Alden Jones's parents are Ms. Alden and Mr. Jones.
For anyone adopting a marital surname, using a maiden name as a middle name serves another function: continuity. It connects your past and present identities, and helps people from earlier stages of your life recognize the new you. The first-maiden-married three-part name has become standard in forums like Facebook that are all about maintaining connections. Don't worry, this isn't "pretentious," just practical.
E-mail is about connections too, so it makes sense to incorporate your old surname into your new address. The choice of initial vs. full middle name should depend on the names themselves and how they work together. If the full trio is long and hard to spell, stick with an initial. On the other hand, if your new name is Zelda Owens Reilly, use the full middle name to avoid confusion with the surname O'Reilly. Either way will work fine for the address. What you really have to be careful about is your outgoing "from" name.
Think about it: anyone typing in your new e-mail address presumably knows who you are, new name and all. It’s the people you send e-mail to who need a heads up that Zelda Reilly is really their old colleague Zelda Owens. Take the time to poke around in your email system and set the "from" ID to your full, three part name so all of your correspondents know that you may have a new name, but you’re still the same person.
Comments
Just use your first name and last two digits of your birth year. Those will stay the same through any number of marriages and divorces.
I changed the "from" name on my email for a while until I felt like people for the most part knew. Eventually I changed it - my first, birthname, and married name are all long-ish and together it was too much. I know people who use both regularly long term, and it works nicely.
I didn't have too much trouble transitioning, but I married young, so I've been Mrs. Hoffenfeffer (not my real name) my entire professional career. People rarely reference my maiden name. If I were to divorce or change my name for some other reason, I think I'd keep my myrna_kerpluffle@email.com convention and just do the work of telling people on a need to know basis that I am no longer Mrs. Hoffenfeffer.
If your married name is common, I might suggest putting your maiden name into your email address. I didn't, and I get so many misdirected emails it's almost almost funny; this week alone I've received a home inspection report for someone in Australia, a flight confirmation for someone traveling from Chicago to North Carolina, and an update on the health of a stranger's mother.
One of my aunts uses MaidenNameMarriedName@email.com, and it seems to work for her. I believe that, like the LW, she moved her maiden name to her middle when she married, though I don't think she uses her middle name very often. I think the fact that both last names are pretty short (4 letters each) might help.
I had an email account before I married that was firstnamemaidenname@xyz.com. I kept that one - I continue to use my maiden name professionally - but also got one with firstnamemarriedname@xyz.com, which I have forwarded to the original one. It all comes to the same place and I can keep using both names.
I kept both my middle and maiden names as middle names, so I have four names! I got married between undergrad and grad school, so professionally I'm almost exclusively known by my married name anyway, but I wanted to keep the maiden name as a link to my family. Both names are longer, so I didn't want to hyphenate. I use all four names on faceboook and in emails to people associated with my high school and undergrad days, and first/last or first middle initial middle initial last for recent contacts or publication. I don't think of it as pretentious, just practical. It's how I want to frame my identity.
my email address is and has always been ladyphlogiston. I created a secondary address with my real name when I graduated from college and got married, but since I only use that for the occasional business-type email it hardly matters. I don't often use my married last name if I can help it - I changed it to make my husband happy, but since my mother-in-law was my middle-school math teacher I prefer not to use it.
Sometimes it works better to have an unusual descriptive name as an email address. For example; flopsymopsy@ISP or ribbitribbit@ISP. That is memorable, and doesn't give your sex or status. In a way, email addresses are like website addresses. I went for the easiest form of web address, firstnamelastnamedotcom and the matching email firstname@firstnamelastname.com. I also have an older email address that is firstinitiallastname@ISP. I find I generally can give the karen@karenlastname.com one just once for people to write down while the klastname@ISP has to be given several times because of the options for capitals, full stops and underscores. (Use none of them, as it happens.)
you seriously need help picking out an email address? do you need me to come over and pick out what you're going to wear today, too? you're an adult. pick one, and move on. jeeze, going out to eat must be nearly impossible for you.
I would keep the same email address you have ALWAYS HAD for continuity of contacts, and change the display name to be First Maiden Last. Or if for some reason you feel the need to change your email address (???? Really? I have had the same email address since highschool) then use first.newlast@xyz.com and make the display name First Maiden Last.
Keep whatever email you've been using and change the "From" display name. Makes it easier on everyone.
Yes! Thank you for mentioning the importance of the "from" option! My email address, before I even met my husband, was firstlast@xyz.com. I didn't change my name when we married, and didn't change my email. BUT, I changed the "from" option to First Maiden HisLast. It's worked out really well for me. When I email people I met through him they know who I am, but everyone knows my real name.
But then everyone will always know your age. This might not be a great idea - not necessarily for vanity's sake - but when applying for jobs.
Um, if you didn't change your name, why did you change your from? Did your husband change his from to First Bachelor HerLast so your friends would know who he is?
Laura C: people won't know your age, it will just look like two random digits. jane58@xyz.com could just mean that Jane likes the number 58.
@Anonymous (re:numbers): I agree with Laura C. When I see an email address with a number that looks like it could be a birth year, that's what I'd guess it was. Plus it hearkens back to the AOL days of usernames with tons of numbers (Cosette24601, etc.). I think there are better -- and more professional-looking -- choices.
I didn't change my email address (it is FirstMaiden@xyz.com), but I changed the display name to First Maiden Last. Save a lot of hassle to keep my old email! Also I didn't officially change my name, but I append HisLast to my name for a lot of purposes, mainly so other parents know which kid belongs to me when I send school-related emails.
If I get married and take my husband's last name, I'm still keeping my email. I can't function without my email and don't want to go through the hassle of having to change everything.
There are tons of options and unfortunately they might be dictated by which e-mail provider you use and what is available I usually opt for things like firstinital(middleinitial).lastname (jm.smith@e-mail.com or smith.jm@email.com though you can use _ or - depending on the provider ) aka Jane Marie Smith or J. M. Smith.
While I think funny/unusual e-mails are fine for personal correspondence name related ones are much more professional and easier for people to remember.
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