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Is It My Name – Or My Dad’s?

I'm considering giving our baby, due this spring, my maiden name as his first name. The problem is that my dad is not a very nice person (that may be an understatement). Our family and close friends know this. The rest of the family that bears the name is great, as is the name itself. But if we give it to our baby, will people think I'm honoring my dad? Or me and my family in general?
--Not Daddy’s Girl

Your maiden name is just that—your name. Sure, your father wears it too, and always will. But you have an equal claim to it and, as you noted, so do many other loved ones. While giving your son Dad's first name would be a personal tribute, his last name belongs to the whole family.

You expressed some concern about whether others will understand the motivation behind your choice. Most people you and your son will meet over the years to come won’t even know your dad. As for those who do, you can explain that you’re following a maternal naming tradition that’s been around for generations. Men from President Millard Fillmore to country singer Dierks Bentley have borne their mothers' maiden names as first names.

When you announce your son’s birth, or when someone asks you about his name, you can reinforce its significance as your family surname. So you can feel good about your choice and how it should be perceived. 

But there’s one more person whose opinion you might consider: dear old Dad himself. Does he feel particularly possessive or proud of his last name? Will he jump to the conclusion that you meant to honor him and him alone with your name choice? And if he does, how do you feel about that? If you can brush it off, great. (The tone of your question shows you have a healthy attitude toward Dad’s unpleasant character.) If you’d find it hard to live with your dad’s claim-jumping, you might need to search farther afield for the right name for your baby.

Comments

January 22, 2013 12:12 PM
By Martha (not verified)

I know several kids with their mother's maiden name as a first name and I love that idea! One is a Johnston and goes by Jack. Almanzo WIlder's sister from Little House on the Prairie named her son "Wilder", which I think is awesome.

January 22, 2013 12:48 PM
By Michelle (not verified)

I don't think I've ever heard a child's name with mom's maiden name and thought to myself 'Wow, I bet she loves her dad.' Like NameLady said, it's your name you're passing on. Dad just happens to share it.

January 22, 2013 1:35 PM
By Anonymous (not verified)

Of course it's your name. Is your husband passing on his last name or his father's last name?

Also, look at the meaning and origin of the name itself. It may have originated with a woman or been given to an entire family at the same time.

January 22, 2013 3:25 PM
By Anonymous (not verified)

It's your last name. I know several kids who have their mom's maiden as either 1st or middle and it's always taken as a tribute to mom, not to someone else (like mom's father). The only exception I can think of is a woman whose maiden name was ending with her father. She used her maiden name as a tribute to her father & to ensure the name didn't die out. And she was always quick to explain this when people asked about her son's name.

January 22, 2013 11:23 PM
By Anonymous (not verified)

My son's middle name is my maiden name (I couldn't quite come at giving it as a first name as, to me, it is a surname and it is also the name of the bully character in a long running animated sitcom).

While I did use it to honour my father (who had only daughters), I also wanted to honour my grandfather (deceased) who brought it to Australia (it is a fairly common name, but we are not related to any of the other families who bear it as my grandfather was an only son).

So the name does triple duty - it gives my son a part of me, a part of my dad and a part of my grandad.

I'm not sure that people think about it that much - when people realise that it was my maiden name, their thought process generally stops there. I don't think they go on to think about Dad (even people who know him).

My husband's middle name is his mother's maiden name, and I never think of it being his grandfather's name. I do think it is nice that he shares a name with his cousins though.

February 6, 2013 11:13 PM
By Anonymous (not verified)

I only wish I had a maiden name that would have worked for a boy's name. I would have LOVED to have used it!

Please don't let one person's behavior keep you from doing what you want and love. That is giving him way too much power. The name is not his, but belongs to generations of your family.

My married name could be a boy's name. I hope our daughter will want to use it someday for a boy of her own!

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