Can We Leave One Grandma Out of the Baby Name Game?
For me, the symbolism of naming our girls after our mothers is more important than loving the name itself, but my husband feels the opposite: Why give your child a name that you don't like, even if it is your mom's name? Do I try to convince him, or do we start over and give up using my mom's name?
–Mom in a Middle-Name Muddle
Your question made me think of President George W. Bush’s twin daughters Jenna and Barbara, each named after a grandmother (they even got the grandmothers' surnames, Welch and Pierce, as middle names). Stylistically, the names are quite different, but as you point out, their symbolism can outweigh the style difference and make them a cohesive set.
But your husband has a point too. He doesn't want to feel locked into a name choice because of the symbolism. I don't believe either of you should try to badger the other into making a choice you don't feel good about.
Still, that shouldn't mean you have to give up on Jane—a name you've already agreed you both like for a daughter's middle. Instead, recast the choice as "one name from mom's side of the family, one from dad's." For example, is there a grandmother's name or maiden name you like that would honor your mother-in-law or her family? Or could you represent Cheryl in another way: her middle name, birth month, favorite flower, etc.?
Let's say you weren't having twins, but two daughters born a few years apart. What middle name would you consider for each baby? Some families focus honor names on mom's relatives, since dad's are represented in the surname. So the first name is chosen for style and personal identity, the middle name honors mom's family, and the surname honors dad's family. That's another strategy you could employ, if you're planning to give your twins your husband's surname.
There are so often more honor names than there are babies to give them to, so choices have to be made. Just because your babies are twins doesn't mean their names have to be matched grandma-for-grandma. Each daughter can have a meaningful name to call her own, one that both parents love.